Something To Live For
by Isla Bell
Summary: After Shadow Moses they thought they could start a new life, a life without fighting and bloodshed. Meryl's naivety could be forgiven, but Snake... Snake should have known better. Nothing could ever be truly left behind. There would always be that shadow darkening your path.
1. Chapter 1

**Something To Live For.**

Chapter One.

The First Day.

Meryl carefully peeled back the stained bandage wrapped around her wounded leg. Whoever had patched her up had made a shoddy job of it, although stitching up wounded hostages was probably low on the list of priorities on a terrorist agenda. With her breath catching in her throat she removed the last of the material and exhaled slowly. Her combats were stuck to her leg by the dry blood that she tried to wipe clean. It was hardly worth the effort, as soon as the pressure from her bandage had been removed fresh blood began to ooze from the bullet wound. Swearing quietly Meryl looked around the small bathroom and grabbed the nearest towel hung over the edge of the bath she was perched on and pressed it against her aching leg.

"Damn..." she groaned. She hadn't had a nano shot for at least forty-eighth hours now, and she could feel the effects of them wearing off. The pain was really starting to set in now... as was the cold. Shivering, Meryl limped to the bathroom door and pulled it open. She'd have to ask Snake for a clean bandage.

She found him in what must have been his bedroom. The door was already open, facing the bathroom from the opposite end of the small hall. Meryl hovered in the doorway, feeling slightly intrusive. She cleared her throat to gain Snake's attention as he rifled through a suitcase he'd pulled from the under the bed. He looked up, his eyes bright in the darkness of the room. They immediately fell to the slowly reddening towel Meryl was clutching and he gestured for her to sit on the side of his bed. Meryl obliged, feeling suddenly self-conscious. Snake's room was... homey. Comfortable even. The furnishings were plain and wooden, there were no decorations save a lamp or two and a set of dark curtains framing the window overlooking a long stretch of white landscape. But the pile of books beside his bed, the empty cigarette boxes scattered over the set of drawers and the soft light of the light gave the place a snug feeling.

So this is Solid Snake's home, Meryl thought to herself. It was bizarre, picturing him living here... like a _normal_ person. She was quickly pulled from her thoughts as Snake gently pushed the towel from her leg and peeled back the now sodden material of her combats. His lips were pulled into a thin line as his gloved hands examined the damage.

"I think you need stitches..." he told her gravely. Meryl suppressed a moan. Stitches... well, they didn't exactly have time for a trip to the hospital.. which meant...

"How's your needle work then?" she asked, only half-joking.

Snake's thin-lipped expression eased to one of apology as he stood and walked from the room, returning all too soon with a small black hit. Meryl braced herself, she would not show her pain in front of him. Not again.

Snake hesitated for a moment, scratching at his head. "I'll need to clean it first, so you'll need to take your..." he pointed to her dirty combats.

Meryl sighed, "Not like you've seen me without them before."

Snake smiled at the memory of their first encounter as Meryl gingerly unclipped her belt and began to slide the clothing over her legs, struggling a little as the movement caused a sharp stabbing pain in her thigh. Snake knelt in front of her and took the bottom of her trousers, tugging gently to help Meryl pull her legs free. Meryl found herself digging her fingers into the various blankets strewn over Snake's bed. They both knew there was nothing behind his helping her undress besides tending to her wound, yet they both found themselves avoiding eye contact. Not from embarrassment... but the barely ignored tension that had only made fleeting appearances between them thus far. Looking at each other would mean acknowledging that tension, putting a name to it... acting upon it.

Snake removed his gloves and replaced them with a set of white, medical ones. Without a word he poured a strong smelling liquid onto a cloth and began carefully cleaning the blood and grime from Meryl's thigh. He was very precise, Meryl noticed. Working from the outside of her leg to the inside. Eventually Meryl found herself having to part her knees ever so slightly, causing Snake to hesitate. Meryl felt her cheeks grow hot as she noticed his eyes stray from the wound. It took mere seconds for the hot swirling feeling inside her to grow cold when she realised what he'd seen that caused his hands to shake. There, inside her right thigh and standing out starkly against the paleness of her skin, was a set of five blackening bruises. Bruises that clearly took the shape of a hand.

Meryl squeezed her eyes shut as the memory of that hand pressing hard against her leg swam before her. She opened them to find Snake staring very intently at what his hands were doing. Instinctively she pulled one of the blankets around her middle, letting the edge of it fall across her bruised skin. Snake pretended to ignore her movement, and for now she was glad. Meryl did not want to have to think about her time in captivity. And she especially didn't want Snake to be thinking on it either.

"I can do it myself if you want." Meryl muttered in an attempt to break the overbearing silence. Snake grunted, his eyes flicking up to meet hers. Any thoughts he'd been having about her bruises had either been completely dismissed from her mind... or he was a great liar. His eyes held no shadows, regret or anger. His expression was warm, and slightly amused.

"Have you ever had to stitch up a wound before?"

Meryl pouted and rolled her eyes. "Well this would be my first time..."

Snake's gentle expression wavered at her words. Meryl took a few moments to cotton on to the double meaning of her statement and mentally kicked herself as Snake tossed his used cloth to the side and pulled a small packet from his kit. A small, silver needle appeared in his hand. Meryl watched it in trepidation as he threaded it with a wiry black thread. Snake glanced at her and tilted his head toward one of his pillows.

"It might help if you have something to bite down on."

Meryl took his advice, clutching the pillow to her chest she took a long, deep breath. Surely it couldn't hurt more then the gunshot itself...

With a firm hand Snake forced the sharp needle through Meryl's bruised skin. He forced himself to ignore her sharp intake of breath, it was a good thing she could feel the pain. It meant the tissue around the wound was still alive. He worked as quickly as he could, not wanting to prolong her suffering. Meryl held the pillow tightly, trying to focus on the scent of it. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be, but the feel of the thread pulling her skin together was sickening. She shut her eyes tight and let out a sigh of relief when Snake told it her was done. He quickly wound a fresh bandage around her appendage without a word and snapped the gloves from his hand.

"You're other injuries?"

Meryl shook her head. "They're fine."

"Okay. There's some pain killers in the bathroom, I'll get them while you dress. And make sure you put this on," he instructed, tossing a plain black hooded top at her. "It's cold outside." Snake strode from the room and disappeared down the hall. Meryl pulled her discarded clothing toward her and grimaced. She couldn't wear these again, but with her uncle's chopper on its way to take Snake and herself some place safe she didn't have time for a shopping trip. She pulled Snake's jumper on and zipped it halfway up her middle just as Snake re-entered the room. He frowned at her still half-naked state.

"Any chance you've got some clothes you might have shrunk?" she asked, holding up her filthy clothes and wrinkling her nose. "I don't fancy going on the run in _these_."

Snake let out a sound halfway between a sigh and a grunt. He tossed her the bottle of painkillers and began rummaging through one of his drawers. He pulled out a pair of grey sweat pants that tied at the top and could easily be rolled up at the cuffs.

"These'll have to do." he told her. Meryl pulled them on and found herself having to overturn the waist as well as the legs to stop them falling off her small frame. She pocketed the bottle of painkillers and stood from the bed. She was beginning to feel exhausted now that the adrenaline rush from the past few days was disappearing. Gazing longingly at the bed she fought the urge to crawl inside and sleep for the next week or so. Snake watched her expression as her eyes roamed the dishevelled sheets. When her green-blue eyes met his blue grey they widened a little as she realised he thought she was thinking of something _other_ then sleep. She opened her mouth to point out that that was _not _what was her on her mind... only to find it quite impossible to speak when Snake's own lips covered hers. A brief muffle of surprise escaped her as hands wound themselves around her middle, pulling her tightly against a hard chest. Her eyes, which had been staring in shock as Snake's surprisingly long lashes, slowly closed.

They remained still, letting the pressure of that first kiss slowly fade. As Snake pulled his face away just enough for them both to breathe a sigh of relief, Meryl found her hands sliding their way over his arms to rest on his shoulders. She could feel them gently rise and fall as he breathed heavily. She ran her tongue over her tingling lips. Finally, they'd had their moment. That illusive kiss. And she wasn't ready to let it be over so soon. This time Meryl leant in, pushing herself up on her tiptoes as she wound an arm around Snake's neck, arching herself against him as fully as possible.

Snake responded, his lips forcing Meryl's to part as he dipped his tongue into the warmth of her mouth. The groan it elicited from the young woman was enough to push him close to the edge of logical thinking and dive straight into the waters of his more primal needs. His hand moved under the fabric of her top and explored the curve of her waste. The other wound its way into her hair so he could keep her held tight against him. Her skin was cold against his hand and her shivers weren't all being caused by him, but neither of them could focus on more then what the other was doing. Snake's mouth leaving a trail of kisses along Meryl's jaw, down to her soft throat. Meryl's fingers pulled at his rough hair. She smiled as he grunted approvingly at the feeling. It was hard to believe that they were really here, had really survived. Meryl closed her eyes as she remembered her thoughts merely hours ago. She had been convinced she would die on Shadow Moses without ever getting to know if the flutter of her heart and the butterflies in her stomach were more then just a girl's fantasy of love, or the real thing.

Snake pulled away from her chest to Meryl's flushed face. He could see something strange swim across her eyes. A king of longing tinged with sadness.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Had he hurt her? Was he going to fast?

Meryl shook her head and tried to smile. "Nothing... it just... feels good to be alive, doesn't it."

Snake nodded before gently resting his forehead against hers. "It could feel better..." he smirked playfully. Meryl chuckled as she let her hand slide from his hair to his face. His chin was beginning to feel a little rough and she couldn't help liking the slight scratchiness against her skin.

"I don't doubt it... but we're going to have company soon."

Snake groaned loudly. Campbell had sent a chopper their way to get them out of Alaska before they could be tracked down. There were probably a few of the rich and powerful out there who didn't like the idea that they had survived.

Reluctantly they let go of each other, taking a step back. Snake had a few things to take care of before he left, his dogs for one needed to be taken care of. He knew someone he could leave a message to that would adopt his family of huskies. Meryl tried to calm her beating heart as she left the room to find her boots. Truthfully she was a little glad that they didn't have time to...

She blushed at the thought. Would he be able to tell that she'd never been with a man before? He must have an inkling, she told herself.

It felt like only minutes later that Snake and Meryl found themselves looking at the small, black dot in the sky growing closer. Snake stood with a bag thrown over his shoulder, his fingers twitching toward the gun beside his leg. He was dressed similarly to Meryl now, his sneaking suit folded and stuffed in his bag. Once they were on board Meryl found herself being handed an envelope with her name on. She recognised the handwriting and smiled, running her fingers over the elegantly written letters. Tearing it open Meryl removed the single piece of card inside and frowned. It was a postcard. A postcard she vaguely remembered sending him as a child. Flipping it over so she could inspect the back she read the words she'd written at least ten years ago, hearing the voice of her eight year old self in her mind.

"What is it?" Snake asked, trying to read over Meryl's shoulder. She flashed the picture at him, seeing the confusion on his eyes. It was a picture of a modest sized cabin with a little red-haired girl sat on the porch steps waving. Snake noted the masses of green around her, the lake he could just see in the distance.

"I think this is where we're going." Meryl told him.

Snake placed a hand on Meryl's knee and leaned in closer. "Is that you?"

Meryl nodded. "It's my father's. He bought it years ago, we used to go there every summer. It's in the middle of nowhere, just like your place. You'll like it I think."

"How long will it take to get there?"

Meryl shrugged, "A couple of hours. I think we'll have to drive at some point, we can't land this thing anywhere near it."

Snake leaned back in his seat, keeping his hand firmly on Meryl's leg he let his eyes slide shut. "Let's get some sleep." he told her. Meryl pressed her hand over his. She couldn't sleep now. Her exhaustion seemed to have been replaced by a strange buzz, similar to the excitement she remembered as a child every time they loaded the car and prepared for their holiday. They'd gone every year, even after her father died. Her uncle would try and spend a little time with her and her mother there. Meryl slid the card inside her pocket, wondering why Campbell would have something like that still. Sentiment, she thought. He might act the tough, military type but inside he was a marshmallow. Meryl felt Snake's hand loosen and looked at the finally peaceful expression on his face. He must be able to sleep anywhere, she thought.

Gazing down at the scenery flying below them Meryl closed her eyes and tried to block out the sounds of the propellers. In the past day and a half her life had changed completely. And she had a funny feeling that there was no going back.

* * *

Meryl pulled into the familiar dirt road, still able to find her way even as the night's darkness turned everything around them into a black canvas. Snake was sat beside her, still sulking a little that she wouldn't let him drive. Meryl bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself smirking as he glanced at her darkly.

"Are we there yet? I'm getting car sick."

Meryl rolled her eyes. "Almost."

The road wound through the dense trees. The path had overgrown over the years. No one had been back here for some time, she hoped the cabin hadn't been overtaken by wildlife. She was too tired to fight a bear for the right to sleep in her old bed.

Eventually the car's lights illuminated a heavy wooden gate. Meryl turned to Snake and cocked an eyebrow. "Out you jump, the code to unlock them is 7-8-9-1."

Muttering something under his breath Snake stepped from the car, pulling his jacket tightly around his shoulders. The air was damp and cold. Mud squelched beneath his boots as he wandered toward the control panel beside the gate. Punching in the numbers he heard the gates unlock and moved to push them open. Meryl drove inside, fighting the urge to splash the grumpy looking soldier. He must have known what she was thinking as he fixed her with a "don't even think about it" look as she passed. Climbing back onto the car once the gates were sealed once more Snake mumbled something about needing a cigarette. Meryl rolled her eyes.

"If you're lucky I may have left a box hidden in the cabin." she told him. Snake raised an eyebrow.

"You smoke?"

Meryl wrinkled her nose, "Not any more. I stole a pack from my mother when I was fourteen once, smoked a few and forgot about the rest. She caught me with them and threatened to make me eat the lot if I ever stole from her again."

"You rebel."

Meryl stuck her tongue out a him playfully as he rolled his eyes. The grumpiness was slowly disappearing now he had the hope of a cigarette before bed. Within minutes a shape began to appear in the dark. The ground had changed from just mud to muddy wood chip as Meryl stopped in front of the porch steps pictured on her postcard.

"Home sweet home." she mumbled.

The pair stepped from the car. Meryl stretched her aching limbs before feeling in her pocket for the bottle of pain killers. Driving on her injured leg had been more draining then she'd realised. She circled the car to join Snake as he looked up at the cabin curiously.

"What's wrong?" Meryl asked.

Snake shook his head and didn't reply. Instead he pulled his bag from the car's boot and waited for Meryl to lead the way inside. Retrieving the spare key that was always hidden under a loose piece of wood on the porch, Meryl twisted it in the lock of the windowless door and pushed. It swung open soundlessly as Meryl fumbled for the light switch. She flicked it uselessly and sighed.

"Need to restart the generators." she said into the darkness. Suddenly a small circle of light appeared in the middle of the floor, winding its way over the various pieced of furniture covered in dust sheets. Snake stepped inside, pushing the door closed as he held his torch aloft.

"What exactly do you have in that bag?" Meryl grumbled.

"Essentials." was Snake's reply, "Change of clothes, money, little food, ammunition and a spare gun or two."

"Anything else?" Meryl's asked, raising her eyebrows as Snake's torch fell upon the fireplace built into the wall beside the stairs. He fumbled inside the bag for a moment before producing a small box, a grin fixed on his face.

"Matches."

Snake slung his bag beside the door and wandered to the fireplace. Luckily there was still enough timber left unused and dry enough to light. Using the remains of partially burnt paper Snake set about getting some warmth into the cabin as Meryl carefully pulled the sheets from the sofa and chairs in the centre of the room. From what she could see the place looked just the same as she remembered. Paintings of various country scenes lined the walls, a clock had stopped some time ago at nine forty three and the kitchen cupboards were still filled with pots, pans and cutlery. Meryl wondered if her mother had ever come back here after she'd enrolled into the military. She doubted it.

Meryl's attention was quickly drawn back to Snake as he stood, admiring his dwindling fire. It did the job to give them some light, and the cabin wasn't nearly as cold as Snake's had been.

Remembering Snake's home brought back the memory of the last time they'd been alone. Meryl found her stomach doing an odd back flip motion. Especially when Snake looked at her from across the room, the light creating shadows that danced across his face.

"Hungry?" he asked. Meryl shook her head. Her appetite was suddenly the last thing on her mind. "Me neither." He stretched his hand out to her, just as he had done in the hanger on Shadow Moses. Meryl walked to him without hesitation and entwined her fingers with his. Snake pulled her to him, causing her to stumble slightly and catch herself against his chest. He chuckled. "Aren't you going to give me the tour?"

Meryl nodded, unable to think of anything to say as her usual wit failed her. The nostalgia she felt as being back in her childhood holiday home was quickly being pushed aside by a new feeling. A feeling that made her legs shake as she led Snake up the steps to the shadowed hall. The only light they had were the silver streaks of the moon filtering in through the windows. Meryl stopped at the top of the stairs and turned, with Snake still standing a few steps behind they were at eye level.

"I need to tell you something before we..." she began. Snake watched her with an expectant expression, waiting patiently as she fumbled for her words. Eventually his eyes wandered down to her leg, to the place he'd seen the bruise marring her skin.

"Is it about...?" he asked.

Meryl shook her head, thankful for the darkness that hid her reddening complexion. "No... not really. That bruise wasn't what you think. I wasn't... no one... you know, hurt me like _that_."

Was she imagining it or did Snake almost deflate with relief in front of her. His expression relaxed as he took a step closer. Meryl felt her heart skip a beat, he was so close, why was he making it so hard for her just to think.

"Good." Snake told her softly, "I couldn't stand thinking something like that was happening to you when I couldn't do anything to stop it." His fingers reached up to gently feel their way over Meryl's slightly parted lips. "So I'm guessing if that's not what you wanted to tell me, then you're going to say you're a virgin."

Meryl blanched at the matter-of-fact way he put it. Well, she thought, at least she didn't have to be the one to come right out and say it. Meryl's response was enough for Snake to know his suspicions were right. Still it left him torn. His mind and body had been through so much, as had hers. Being able to spend just a few hours not having to think about anything other then being with her was what was keeping him sane at the moment. He wanted the images of the last few days gone from his mind, but he knew they were burned into his memory for good. This was his chance to deal with things a better way then he had before. Instead of losing himself in a bottle he could focus on Meryl, on trying to be a better man for her.

"Meryl," he half-sighed her name, "We've got time now, nothing is coming for us. Let's just... get some rest."

Meryl felt a flood of both relief and disappointment wash over her. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him...

"This place got a shower?" he asked, as if their conversation was perfectly normal. Meryl pointed at the door closest to them.

"There won't be any hot water," she warned him. "Towels should be on the side..."

"I think I need the cold water anyway." he joked, kissing Meryl softly on the lips before he disappeared behind the door. Meryl heard the splash of water against the bathtub and leant against the wall, running her hands through her hair. She was definitely in need of a shower, although first thing tomorrow she was going to get the generators working so she could have a long, hot bath.

Pushing herself off the wall Meryl turned to the door which led to her old room. Stepping inside it took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Her bed, a double of course, took up most of the room. Her wardrobe and chest of drawers lined the walls beside the door, as did a full sized mirror she remembered begging her uncle for on her thirteenth birthday. She couldn't remember why she'd wanted a mirror so bad, it wasn't like she used it much.

Meryl began pulling bedsheets from the cupboards and put the bed together. They smelled a little musty, but were otherwise fit to be used for at least one night. She found herself glad that she hadn't been one of those teenagers that stapled pictures of boybands over her bedroom walls. There wasn't much in her room besides a lamp and some picture frames. A large map was taped to the back of her door, covered in star shaped stickers that she remembered placing when she was about fifteen. All the places she wanted to travel to...

The sound of the shower shutting off brought her back to reality. She could hear the sound of Snake shuffling about before he opened the door with a towel wrapped around his middle. Meryl caught a look at his chest and stomach before he noticed her in the doorway. It should be illegal, she thought to herself, to be _that_ toned.

"Hope you left me some water." she told him as she dodged past him in the hall, pushing the bathroom door shut behind her. Switching the water back on she began to peel away her clothes, leaving them heaped on the floor. Never in all her life had a cold shower felt so good. The water stung against her skin but she didn't mind. Feeling it wash away the grime and sweat as she scrubbed at herself left her feeling refreshed and clear minded. She must have been stood beneath the spray for some time as the water soon began to dwindle. Meryl stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel as tightly as she could around her chest, using another to dry her hair. She didn't think about why she was spending so long locked away in the bathroom, or why she found drying her hair such an important task. She didn't want to admit that she was a little afraid of stepping back out into that hall, into that bedroom...

But she couldn't stay hidden all night. Taking a deep breath Meryl finally stepped out of the bathroom, her almost dry hair falling about her face in messy waves. Her bedroom door was still open and she could see Snake laying on her bed dressed in what looked like a fresh pair of sweat pants, a small red dot glowing between his lips. Meryl rolled her eyes at him.

"You found the cigarettes."

"Taped under your drawer," he told her, eyes fixed on the ceiling, "You've got some clothes in there..."

Meryl hesitated in the doorway, the feel of the towel against her skin suddenly much more noticeable. Snake sensed her indecisiveness and finally allowed himself to tear his eyes from the ceiling. It was hard work to just lay there when a beautiful young woman stood near naked at the end of the bed. Did she have any idea what she was doing to him? Of course not.

Snake used the box to stub out his cigarette and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "You'll catch a cold like that." he told her, "I'll give you some privacy."

Meryl, who had been looking resolutely at the plain white bed sheet, shot out her hand as he passed and grabbed hold of his wrist.

"You don't need to go." she told him, her voice a wavering whisper.

Snake, caught of guard, found himself confused. "I didn't think..."

Meryl turned her body to face him, her hand clutching the towel. Was she sure of what she was doing? No, not completely. But life was not about waiting any more, if she'd learnt anything over the past few days, it was to live a life regretting what you _have_ done. Not what you were too afraid to do.

The hand holding the towel reached up to press against Snake's surprisingly warm chest. It was quickly enclosed in his own and squeezed gently. "Are you sure about this Meryl?" he asked.

It must have been something in the way he said her name, or the care hidden behind the concern in his eyes that drove away Meryl's doubts.

"Yes." she whispered.

It was all he needed to hear to lean down and kiss her, once, twice... Her hand came up to feel the roughness of his jaw as his trailed over her naked shoulder and down her back. He pulled her to him once again, the movement loosening the towel around Meryl's chest. It fell just enough to expose the smallest amount of her breasts, but she didn't feel embarrassed. She felt... oddly liberated. Shrugging slightly she let the towel fall further until sat gathered just around her hips. She couldn't help the smile as she felt movement against her thigh. Snake's fingers drew a line down the centre of her back, making her shiver, before trailing around the small rise of her hip bone to her abdomen. The various bruises and cuts to their bodies went unseen as they pressed their lips against each others flesh. Snake kept his arm around Meryl's middle as he guided her toward the bed, keeping the towel in place. He sat back on the bed, pulling her onto his lap. He could feel her now, pressed fully against him as they lay back. Snake rolled them so his body was atop hers, now fully exposed as the towel disappeared beneath her. Snake kissed her, hard. She reacted with just as much vigour as her fingers found the waste band of his sweats. There was only a seconds hesitation before she pulled, slowly releasing him and throwing the clothing to the floor.

They stopped and looked at each other in the dim light. Meryl could see the muscles in his body, the dark patches where he was as bruised as she was. She thought she would shrink away under his gaze as his eyes wandered the length of her body, his hand slowly making its way to that place between her legs. He dipped his head and began kissing her chest, her abdomen...

His touch and his gaze made her skin feel alive. That first kiss, the feel of his mouth and tongue sending bolts of pleasure up her spine was already close to unbearable. She couldn't stop that first moan escaping her lips, or the way her hips bucked as his fingers joined his mouth's efforts. Meryl bit her lip at the small stab of not quite pain, but something uncomfortable, mixed with the pleasure. Snake eased his finger inside her, concerned that it seemed to cause a little pain. His desire to simply take her there and then was hard to control. It had been a long time since he'd been with a woman, and even longer since he'd been with one who'd never known a man before. It took every ounce of discipline he had to keep control as Meryl groaned his name. Not Snake. David.

Eventually he could take it no more. Crawling his way back up her heated body Snake let himself rest his weight on top of her. Meryl wrapped her arms around his neck instinctively, her eyes dark with longing. He didn't need to do anything for her to open her knees, tilting herself so she could feel him pressed against her. One last look, one last kiss... Snake pushed himself inside and almost collapsed on top of her. Meryl hiss of pain went unheard as he fisted his hand in the sheets. They remained still, each of them breathing hard.

It was Meryl who moved first, questioningly grinding against him. The pain wasn't as bad as her mother had always told her it would be. The weird stabbing feeling didn't take long to disappear entirely.

Snake cautiously began to move with her, his face still buried in her neck. The tiny wimperings and gasps that escaped Meryl's lips made it all the more harder to focus. He lifted his head, planting kisses against her face.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Meryl kissed him in response, muffling something that sounded like "yes" against his mouth. Snake unwound one of her arms from his neck and entwined her fingers with his, squeezing tight. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

To Meryl it felt like a lifetime. She brought her legs up and wrapped them around Snake's waist, feeling him push deeper into her and crying out in a mix of delight and surprise. Snake couldn't hold himself back any more. His thrusting grew more needy, more frantic. It wasn't long before they were both covered in a thin layer of sweat. Meryl could feel something inside her, building up. She knew what it was, desperately wanted its release, but she didn't know how...

"Snake..." she pleaded. She arched her back, but no matter how hard or deep he pushed against her it wouldn't give her the release she needed.

Unexpectedly Snake pulled back, pulling himself from her. Meryl almost swore at the loss of his touch, only to find herself being turned onto her side. Before she knew it Snake was behind her, inside her once more. Her upper body was turned just enough so his mouth could explore her chest. She could see his hand find its way back between her legs. As the mix of sensations began to grow once again, the teeth grazing her breast, the fingers pressing and rubbing her as he moved faster and faster...

The feeling was back, the tense knot in her stomach. Meryl turned her face into the bed sheet as something in her broke, causing her to bite hard on the mattress so stop her screaming. It lasted for what felt like forever, and she resented it fading. Snake too finally felt himself letting go, his hand gripping Meryl's hip as he pressed against her one more time.

They lay there, tired and slightly dizzy. It was Snake who broke the stillness but encircling his arms around Meryl's limp body. Again he asked if she was okay. Meryl begrudgingly lifted her head to face him, unable to stop the silly grin spreading over her face.

"We're definitely doing that again." she told him, more of an order then a request. Snake laughed, pulling free as much of the duvet as he could to cover them.

"Sleep first." he murmured.

Meryl 'hmmed' as she rolled to face him, pressing her face against his chest. The soreness now creeping into her mind was soon forgotten as she easily drifted to sleep, lulled by the sound of Snake's... no, David's heartbeat. He too soon slept, one arm kept protectively around Meryl's shoulders.

The morning sun was already appearing in the window, the open curtains doing little to keep the light from falling on the sleeping pair. It went unnoticed however, as did the gaze of shadow that always went unseen. He watched the lovers, unable to fathom how they could sleep so easily after so much bloodshed and hatred had just consumed them. It wasn't just sex that eased their conscious, he realised. There was more, something he'd never felt or understood.

Turning from the window, the shadow disappeared as the sunlight hit his face. He would be watching these two... he found them... fascinating.

* * *

AN: Oh my, 6000 words and a lemon in chapter one! Trying to write a realistic "first time" sex scene while keeping it romantic is a challenge, and who is our new friend, Mr Invisible Peeping Tom?

Disclaimer: I own no right to the metal gear series.


	2. Chapter 2

Bullets flew overhead, the sound of their paths narrowly missing Meryl by inches hissed in her ears. Ducking beneath an umarked shipment container Meryl clutched her gun to her chest and tried to ignore the growing stench of blood smothering her uniform. There were too many of them, she had to make a run for it.

Firing off wildly she flew from her hiding spot and made her way down the darkened corridor. The sound of shouts and gunshots faded until they were barely more then an echo drowned by the sound of her own beating heart. She could feel her sweat mingling with the blood on her skin. Unable to see Meryl dropped against the cold metal wall and tried to slow her breathing. Her heart rate began to drop back into its normal rhythm, easing the ache in her chest and lungs. Yet, even as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could feel goosebumps rise on her skin as something told her she was being watched.

Cautiously Meryl pushed herself from the wall and squinted. Something was moving, coming toward her, a shape she couldn't quite see, yet it filled her with a terror that made her stumble backward, her arms going limp as the gun in her hands hit the ground with a clatter that made her start. Meryl moved back, her hand feeling its way against the wall at her side until she hit something solid behind her. The corridor was gone, the walls now towering over her and blocking her in with the shadow whose hand stretched from the darkness and caressed her face, leaving something hot and wet dripping from her cheek. Raising her own shaking hand Meryl wiped the substance from her face, expecting to see blood on her fingertips. Instead the liquid was clear, watery. It was then Meryl realised she was crying. The shadow remained, watching... as if it were waiting for something...

Meryl woke with a start, her body jolting violently enough in the bed to wake the sleeping man at her side. David bolted upright, his hand ready to grab the 9mm he kept within reach when he slept. It didn't take long for him to realise the reason for the sudden wakening was the shivering young woman now curled up in the sheets facing away from him.

"Meryl?" he asked questioningly. Had she woken or was she still trapped in another nightmare?

"I'm okay..." was her meagre response. David suppressed a sigh. He was no stranger to nightmares, real and imaginary. Her feeble answer was enough for him to know she was anything _but_ okay.

It had been just over a month, he thought to himself as he wrapped one arm tightly around her and waited for her to fall back to sleep. Her dreams were getting worse. He wouldn't pretend he hadn't had his fair share of nightly terrors since Shadow Moses, but it was nothing new to him. Just more faces to add to the endless tirade that haunted him every night. When he had noticed the dark circles developing beneath his eyes two weeks ago he had gone back to his tried and tested remedy. Drink. Just a few right before he fell asleep and usually after Meryl had already retired to bed. It seemed to dull the dreams and make it easier to close his eyes without thinking too hard on who would be visiting him that night.

Feeling Meryl's shuddering begin to ease he sensed her staring eyes in the pale glow of the moonlight. Things had grown worse for her after they'd left her father's cabin for a safer place to disappear. She had endured the motels and overnight stops when they slept in whichever car they'd hired for the time being without complaint, yet David had noticed the weight begin to drop off her already small frame. He could feel her pressed against him now, the soft curve of her hips had grown sharper, her naturally pale skin was growing more and more sickly by the day. He hadn't seen her eat properly for a while... he should probably pay more attention to that.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked tenderly, unsure if he was really ready to carry her nightmares with his own.

Meryl shook her head, her hand snaking up to grip his arm tightly. "No. It... was nothing, really."

It was a hollow lie, they both knew it. Yet it was enough to keep the illusion that everything was _okay_ going for just a few more hours. Enough so that when Meryl rolled over to face him, a hand lingering on his chest for a moment before making its way up to wind in his hair and pull his lips against hers, David complied by moving his body on top of hers and pulling at the fabric of her shorts.

Tonight was not a night they hurried, yet their movements were simple and quick. David's own clothing soon rested on top of Meryl's beside the bed and he was soon inside with her legs lifted and wrapped around his waist. Burying his face in her neck he caught the scent of something saltier then her sweat. Tears?

Quickly looking up he didn't see any moisture in her eyes or on her cheeks. Meryl's eyes were closed tightly, her teeth biting her lip as nails dug into his back, urging him on. She came, as she always did, with little sound but a drawn out moan that made David quiver shortly before he reached his own end and collapsed beside her. It was not the most adventurous or enthusiastic night they'd shared, but it was enough to push away the coldness of the night and fill the crawling void in their chests with a sense of warmth. Falling asleep again came a little easier for them both for at least a little while longer. A few hours later and they were woken by the morning sun and a sense that today was the day to keep moving. David packed up their things while Meryl showered and soon they were back on the road and heading south.

The day was hot, even at this early hour, and Meryl sat with her bare feet tucked beneath her on the seat and her arm resting out the open window. The road was long and unexciting. Counting the passing red rocks and occasional cacti soon bored her and she turned to study the face of her lover as he scowled at the windscreen.

"Do you think they believe we're dead yet?" she asked him.

David cast her a quick look before shrugging, "I doubt it. Until they see a body..."

Meryl sighed and hunted the glove box for a much needed bottle of water. She hated the heat as much as David, the endless dirt and sand actually made her miss the snow and cold of Alaska. "They can't look for us forever, right?"

David's mouth drew into a thin line. Between them they had seen a great deal of the countries dirtiest laundry, he was sure that wouldn't be forgotten in a hurry. Glancing to his side again he caught the soft arch of Meryl's throat as she emptied half the bottle. She was still watching him, gauging his answers from his reactions rather then his words. David grumbled, wishing he hadn't smoked his last cigarette before they'd left. The girl was more intuitive then he'd realised back on Moses. Too much like her damn uncle.

"Won't hurt to keep our heads in the sand." he told her flatly.

"Right." Meryl half-heartedly smiled. "I just hope Roy's okay. If they think he had anything to do with us disappearing..."

David nodded. He'd been worried for the man too, but Campbell knew what he was doing. Besides, he probably knew more about what would happen to them - to his niece - had they been retrieved from Moses. No. It might be a pain in the ass, but running had been the best option. The only option.

"So, what would you have been doing now if you hadn't been sent to Moses?" Meryl questioned, trying to sound light-hearted. This sombre mood was enough during the night, she couldn't stand it if it leaked into their days too.

David tilted his head and she caught the ghost of a smile of his lips. "Racing probably. I'd been planning to look into breeding some more hounds actually."

Meryl pictured David alone in his cabin, the cold days and the long nights. Had he really been so happy out there by himself? Pondering her own destiny had she not decided to join the army and end up dispatched to Moses, Meryl considered that she might have followed her mother's dream of sending her off to a good school and being able to show off her perfectly well behaved and educated daughter. The thought made her shudder. The normality of it was alien. School, a normal job, a normal boyfriend... she'd be nineteen soon, other girls her age were out having a good time. She on the other hand was on the run from the government with a man almost twice her age and sporting a set of lovely scars which marred her body. None of it bothered her in the slightest. What did that say about her?

"Do you ever regret it?" she asked suddenly, the question falling from her lips before she'd had time to think whether she really wanted an answer. David looked at her quizzically.

"Breeding dogs?"

"No... fighting. Becoming a soldier..."

The usually easy silence between them grew more pronounced as David fixed his eyes on the road. Meryl shifted in her seat, placing her feet back on the floor and sliding them into her boots. She didn't know why she'd asked. She had only ever pictured the legendary Solid Snake as a soldier, not a _man_. But the last six weeks had opened up her eyes in a lot of ways. He was certainly different from any man she'd ever encountered before, but beneath all that gruffness she'd seen his human side. Not necessarily a softer or gentler side but... human.

After a few minutes silence Meryl assumed David was ignoring her question until he cleared his throat and spoke.

"No. There's no point having regrets Meryl."

Nodding silently Meryl didn't push any further. There was something in the way he spoke that told her he wasn't being completely honest, with her or with himself, she wasn't sure. But now was not a time to pry. The last time she had tried to force her way into his head, to try and understand him better... well, he hadn't taken it well. Meryl still remembered the coldness of his eyes as he'd told her in no uncertain terms that he would happily leave her behind if she didn't stop her incessant questioning. Not in quite such a polite manner, but it had been enough to silence her and make her think twice before bringing up his past again.

"And you?" he asked, the question taking Meryl by surprise.

She looked at him slightly wide eyed for a moment before thinking over her answer carefully. She didn't want to appear to be trying to sound tough or simply telling him what he expected to hear. Instead Meryl ran a hand through her hair and mimicked his scowl at the road.

Did she have any regrets?

"There are plenty of things I regret... but not becoming a soldier." she replied, her voice steady. "For starters, I would have let you take point back on Shadow Moses. I doubt Wolf would have riddled you with bullets."

Snake rose an eyebrow before noticing the mocking grin on Meryl's face. He shook his head. "She did try to kill me too, remember?"

"Pfft. She totally had the hots for you." Meryl told him, poking him in the side playfully. She was making fun of him, he realised. Unsettled by the strange temptation to laugh along David scratched at his chin thoughtfully.

"She did tell me I was _special_..."

This time the poke became a soft punch. "What? Like "_stop eating the paste_!" special?" Meryl growled.

"Is this jealousy I hear?" David asked with an exaggerated look of surprise.

Meryl scoffed. "Like I have anything to worry about from an old hag who needed to have her _boobs_ hanging out all over the place for a bit of attention. Seriously, it was freeze-your-ass-off cold out there! Who was she trying to kid!"

David laughed, unable to help himself. He could certainly hear a jealous tone beneath Meryl's lighthearted attitude and for some reason it brought a sense of... well, _niceness _to him. The fact that the very woman they were discussing had died only six weeks ago from a bullet fired by his gun felt like a reality apart from their own. Like something they'd seen in a movie. This happened often with her, he noticed. Until the night came, or a particularly cold bitter day when their past came crashing down around them like a building whose insides were slowly rotting.

The atmosphere between them had lightened at least. Now was the time to decide whether to continue their rare moment of easy happiness... or confront those unsaid things and admit that for all their jokes, their hands were still covered in blood. The decision was quickly made when Meryl spotted a sign indicating a rest stop not far ahead. "I'm starving, can we stop?" she asked.

David paused for a second, holding her gaze which seemed bluer then usual and realising she looked particularly pretty when the smile on her face was genuine. "Sure." he grunted. "Hopefully be able to get some more smokes..."

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**A/N: **I have re-written this chapter so many times, but finally this one just came to me. I thought I'd better update and let you know I do plan to continue this story, hopefully the block I developed had now been shifted a little!

Diclaimer: I own no rights to the Metal Gear franchise.


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